Sunday, November 22, 2009

WHAT?

I wish I wrote more. I think it really helps when I'm feeling alone or when I need to express certain things. But when I actually sit down to write, I forget everything I wanted to write. And the second I walk away I remember everything or think I should have said something this way or added this detail. All I know is that right now I am lost. I know we all go through this in life but I can't describe how far gone I am. I am so unhappy with who I am and unhappy with my surroundings & life. I have so many issues that I intentionally push those who care the most away. I take their low points & shove them in their face. I hate it but it's a defensive mechanism. I also have serious trust issues going on. I can't believe anything anyone has been telling me. I really feel that people no matter what they say-will always go behind my back and do things & never tell me about them just to "not make me upset". I'm just a very negative person and don't accept the positive very well. Things that are positive always turn sour. It's only a matter of time.

I have had a headache all day. Probably lack of sleep. Been in a horrible mood and some things and people have really urked me. Some have made me really sad. Funny how different people can make you feel different emotions. This one in particular I can't quite put my finger on. It's a mixture of sadness, anger, pity, and just all around feeling like the biggest piece of scum ever. But if they put everything behind them, then that is all I can do. Sometimes love blinds you and causes you to hurt people and do things you never wanted or thought to do. But all I can do it move on.

I need to start making some changes to my life.. and I think this week is going to be the week to get on IT.

No comments:

Post a Comment